i don't know, you don't know.

to all people who've called me a friend:
i suck
my life is fucked up
and i'm a bad bad bad bad bad friend (i'm sorry for that)



and to one person who will never read this:
oh, and you'll never understand, because I don't feel comfortable telling you what happened even though I know if I did, you'd understand me a lot better. Just a favor don't call me "over dramatic" because you only know part of the fucking story...you only know the "why i hate my mom's first husband" part of my fucked up life...so if you're actually reading this...and you think "over dramatic" ...fuck you. you don't know what my childhood was like. you don't know what happened to me.

blah

I neeeeeeeeed time home alone! I am tired of my family, i've been spending so much time with them it's soo weird. I've been babysitting bryce everyday since he's down here, and Donald's got baseball...
it's been like a zillion degrees out and so i can't sleep even more then i normally can't sleep because it's too hot in my room
i have had some strange dreams...but I haven't been writing them down because I haven't been feeling like it.
the little restaurant place by my house that used to be Dairy Queen but now isn't is open, i want to eat there some time soon... I suggested to a friend of mine that her and I should meet up there for lunch since we both live sooo close to it..and to each other, but never really hang out.
I have been hxc reading this book about how men and women speak different languages..it's actually pretty interesting of a read..
some things in life make a lot more sense now, i think...
my hands are cold because i'm sitting right in front of the AC
and i have musical ADD on myspace, but that's really easy because i've been looking up a lot of random bands on myspace.com :) i like finding new music...

I guess I'm bipolar-ish

Cuz today I feel very fantastical.

and that's the truth!!!!!

Why all at once?

Why does so much go wrong in people's lives at one time? Why why why?

I don't feel like I used to feel not too long ago. And as each day goes on...I feel worse. I hate this feeling, I haven't felt this way in over a year...and now? The saddest part is my family is fucking stupid and family should be able to tell something is wrong since they see me all the time..right?
I don't know how many times I told my brother I was going to punch/choke/whatever him today..He's just getting on my fucking nerves every five minutes being an annoying fucker. I took THREE walks today because I couldn't stand being home with him!! And all my walks were longer then normal....
I'm so tired right now because I haven't been able to sleep... I'm always hungry because I barely eat... Why can't I push this under the rug and forget about it?? Why is this so hard to ignore? I've done it before...I've had other people stop talking to me..and I was able to just shurg it away! Why is this different? I dunno.. meh. I guess I am just a bad person and this is Karma's way of getting back at me...
On top of that, my brother's dad sent me another letter...I hate when he sends me letters...I always get all upset (even if I don't read the letter) because I don't want that prick in my life!! He's not my dad, he needs to STOP...for serious. I told my mom to tell him...arg.
Also, trying to find another job...way stressful.. I have like no money..well that's a lie, i have money but I'm saving it up so I have no spending money really...
I really neeeeeeeed to leave Wisconsin...Neeeeeed to get away from everyone...Neeed out need out need fucking out. That's too fucking bad though because I don't have the money to do that! Lame... I feel lame.

I spilled chocolate icecream on me..

:(

Also I have a bunch of mosquito bites, and ate 2 cupcakes even though I don't even like cupcakes.

Sarah said it, and she's right...Boys ruin everything.
You know why that is?? It's because they don't know how to communicate their thoughts. And when they're confused, instead of asking a question, they just assume something, which most of the time is the wrong something. And then they get all mad over something they're thinking which is the wrong something...and instead of trying to clear things up..they just stay.
I mean, hello...If you care enough to get mad or upset at me over something I did, or said, or whatever..and care enough to flat out show this anger...why not let me know what's going on, considering I care enough to ask you why...don't you think it's fair I know what's going on??
Even if you never want to talk to me again...I still deserve to know what I did wrong and deserve to learn SOMETHING from this..What point is making mistakes if you don't learn a lesson from them because nobody tells you what you did wrong? How am I supposed to prevent myself from making the same mistake? the same error in judgement?
I don't know.